woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
