I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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