then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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