Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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