I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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