Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
