how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
