I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
