Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
