i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
