Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
