Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
