this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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