I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
