If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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