I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and she was petting her beer can
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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