Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
