I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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