This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
