im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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