I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
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NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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