She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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