I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
