to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
