Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
