how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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