You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
