Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
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I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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