Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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