I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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