Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
