Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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