Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
