he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
