Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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