he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
