I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
