dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
