Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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