Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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