Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
