Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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