My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
