ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize