also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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