I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
