Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
