i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think my fart just growled at me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
