eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
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I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again