Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
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Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
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I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?