You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.