That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.