So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
