just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
