i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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