Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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