I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I understand Curling. That high.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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