He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
