the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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