remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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