I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
