Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
