So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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