if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
