Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
