I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
