have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
