You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
