Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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