the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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