My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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