you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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