tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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