I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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