Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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