I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
