I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
