I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
FUCK WHALES
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
