Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize