hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
