This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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