It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
