"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
