it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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