he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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