Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
